Asher’s 7th Birthday

February 19, 2024 was Asher’s 7th birthday.  It’s hard to believe we have a 7 year old, a little boy who should be in first grade, but isn’t. In seven years we’ve lived a lot of life all the while Asher hasn’t. That reality will always hurt. This year I didn’t have all the anxiety leading …

Obligatory Year in Review – 2023

2023....what a roller coaster of unexpected twist and turns this year has been. In preparation for this year in review, I read my post from December 2022. In that post, I talked about the fact that we had been trying for 16 months with no positive results. I went on to share the mixture of emotions …

It’s a…

After our Nuchal Transparency Test at 12 weeks 3 days. MFM Doc - " Everything looks good. You are doing the NIPS bloodwork, too?" Me: "Yes." MFM Doc - "Okay, make sure you tell Stacey if there is a special way you want to be told the gender." Me: "I already told her we don't …

Asher’s 6th birthday

This Sunday we celebrated Asher’s 6th birthday. The unique aspect this year was that the days of the week matched up exactly to when they did back in 2017, when Asher was born.  I went into the hospital on Saturday, February 18th, learned our son had died, and he was born the next day on …

Kindergarten

Over the last five and a half years since losing Asher, back to school season wasn't really on my radar. It never really triggered me. This year is different. This year I should be picking out the first day of school outfit for my son. This year I should be checking to see who was …

He Was There

… every month when my period came and I cried. … when I made the call to see the fertility doctor. … at our first fertility doctor appointment. …. keeping me calm and distracted, when they took my blood for the first time EVER in my life and I was absolutely petrified. … when I …

Asher’s 5th birthday

It's still hard to believe that we are here...celebrating 5 years since Asher was born. Five years without his physical presence and still a lifetime to go. Five is big and the build up to his birthday was no different than in years past. It is always far worse than the actual day. I am …

I’ve Changed

I’m the first to admit that I’ve changed since the loss of Asher.  Losing my child has divided my life into two parts; before and after.  It is a defining moment in my life. Honestly, I think you would be hard press to find someone who hasn’t changed after what we’ve been through.  I’m sure …

All according to plan….except not

This past weekend I went to my parent's house to clear out my "treasures", all the things my mom saved from my childhood, from their basement. They are cleaning house and after almost 9 years of marriage, finally made me take the things they were holding for me. It was fun to see some of …

I can’t “see” him

When I look at the girls now and I look at their baby photos, I can see glimpses of their current faces in those sweet little baby faces. I think it's cool how you can do that, how you can see glimpses of who they would become back when they were just tiny little things. …