The loss community has a lot of terms to describe children born at different points in relation to their loss. “Sunshine babies” are those born before a loss.  “Angel babies” are the ones lost.  “Rainbow baby” is the term for a pregnancy/baby born after a loss (miscarriage, stillborn, infant loss).  There are mixed feelings regarding … Continue reading Rainbow


14 Months

Fourteen months ago we lost our sweet Asher.  These monthly milestones of time passing have lost a bit of their significance since the passing of the one year mark.  I feel guilty about that.  That whole first year without him, I knew the one year was a huge milestone just looming out there in the … Continue reading 14 Months


Can I be honest about something? I feel guilty for being pregnant right now. The last thing I want to do is cause pain to those who are struggling to get pregnant, those who have had a loss, or those who are struggling after loss. I feel guilty because I get it. I’ve been there … Continue reading Guilt

January 24

** This was written on January 24, 2018.** 6 weeks. First ultrasound. This being our third go around, we knew that 6 weeks is really the earliest that you can see a baby and their heartbeat. Lots of pressure. It’s not just an abstract idea that one is pregnant. It is confirmed visually that there … Continue reading January 24


It’s February 1. Does anyone else feel like January was the longest month EVER?! I swear it just drug on. I’m sure my anxiety about February didn’t help the matter, but I feel like the general consensus is that January was freakishly long this year. February. It holds some of the best memories for me … Continue reading February

11 months

Month 11 contained Christmas and New Year’s. Both holidays I just wasn’t into this year, for one obvious reason. The absence of Asher was glaringly obvious. It helped me get through each day to just pretend that everything was normal and privately have my breakdown at home. We spent Christmas day at my in-laws. I … Continue reading 11 months