Milestones in Life and PAL

Last week I turned the big 3-0. My life is a lot different than I ever expected it to be by this point.  It reminded me of the fact that we started trying for a child when I was 26.  Here I am, almost 4 years later, grateful to be pregnant with twins, but also terrified … Continue reading Milestones in Life and PAL

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17 months & PAL Ramblings

17 Months We have navigated 17 months without Asher.  My grief has definitely changed over that time period.  I find myself crying less but that the pain of his absence is always felt.  I wrote in an article for Still Standing that I primarily feel guilty because so much of my focus has been on … Continue reading 17 months & PAL Ramblings

Baby Shower

Yesterday was our baby shower for our girls.  It was a day I had been looking forward to for months, but one that also filled me with a lot of anxiety as the day approached. We never had a shower with Asher.  We lost him two weeks before we were supposed to have his shower.  … Continue reading Baby Shower

Pregnancy After Loss – Onto the Next hurdle

Since sharing about our pregnancy, I haven’t really shared much about what this pregnancy has been like for me.  It is extremely different from my pregnancy with Asher, not just because there are two little babes in there but also because of my monitoring, supplements, and emotions.. My pregnancy with Asher was very uncomplicated.  I … Continue reading Pregnancy After Loss – Onto the Next hurdle

Phyllis

I’ve mentioned before that my grandmother had a stillborn daughter back in 1954. I found out about her existence a few years ago when I randomly decided to Google my name. One of the search results was a family tree that someone put together with all this information about my relatives. That’s where I found … Continue reading Phyllis

Rainbow

The loss community has a lot of terms to describe children born at different points in relation to their loss. “Sunshine babies” are those born before a loss.  “Angel babies” are the ones lost.  “Rainbow baby” is the term for a pregnancy/baby born after a loss (miscarriage, stillborn, infant loss).  There are mixed feelings regarding … Continue reading Rainbow

14 Months

Fourteen months ago we lost our sweet Asher.  These monthly milestones of time passing have lost a bit of their significance since the passing of the one year mark.  I feel guilty about that.  That whole first year without him, I knew the one year was a huge milestone just looming out there in the … Continue reading 14 Months

Guilt

Can I be honest about something? I feel guilty for being pregnant right now. The last thing I want to do is cause pain to those who are struggling to get pregnant, those who have had a loss, or those who are struggling after loss. I feel guilty because I get it. I’ve been there … Continue reading Guilt

January 24

** This was written on January 24, 2018.** 6 weeks. First ultrasound. This being our third go around, we knew that 6 weeks is really the earliest that you can see a baby and their heartbeat. Lots of pressure. It’s not just an abstract idea that one is pregnant. It is confirmed visually that there … Continue reading January 24