On December 18, 2017, I had my baseline ultrasound to possibly start a new cycle of injectables. After the last attempt, I developed about 5 cysts on my ovaries and had to take a month off. My baseline ultrasound showed that the cysts were gone and we were able to move forward with treatment. I … Continue reading January 8, 2018
Today is the day we have been building to over the past year, Asher's first birthday. One whole year has passed since we said hello and goodbye to our son. It's surreal to think that much time has passed. That is has been a whole year since we last held our son. Time will never … Continue reading Happy 1st Birthday, Asher!
It’s February 1. Does anyone else feel like January was the longest month EVER?! I swear it just drug on. I’m sure my anxiety about February didn’t help the matter, but I feel like the general consensus is that January was freakishly long this year. February. It holds some of the best memories for me … Continue reading February
Month 11 contained Christmas and New Year’s. Both holidays I just wasn’t into this year, for one obvious reason. The absence of Asher was glaringly obvious. It helped me get through each day to just pretend that everything was normal and privately have my breakdown at home. We spent Christmas day at my in-laws. I … Continue reading 11 months
I recently went on a trip to Charleston, SC to visit one of my BFFs from high school. Another friend and I went down to spend the weekend with her. It was a great time with two of my best friends, who have been there for me for over 15 years. While I enjoyed my … Continue reading Charleston
Before writing this, I re-read my post from 2016. In general, it said that the beginning of 2016 was the worst of our lives between the infertility and my miscarriage, but that the end of 2016 was wonderful because I was pregnant with our rainbow. I went into 2017 thinking it would be the best … Continue reading Obligatory year in Review 2017
10 months with a piece of my heart missing. After the progress that I made with my grief in month 9, month 10 seems to feel like I have taken several steps back. We started the month learning that we couldn’t continue with fertility treatments because I had 5-6 cysts on my two ovaries from … Continue reading 10 Months
Losing Asher at 32 weeks 5 days was the worst case scenario of my otherwise healthy pregnancy. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but since living the worst case scenario with our son, I go there now with basically everything else. It has made my hypochondria worse, increased my worry about my loved ones, and … Continue reading Doggie drama and the subsequent spiraling
Oh, the holiday season…it was once my absolute favorite time of year. Last year, I was filled with hope for our son and our future as a family. I thought of the fact that we would have a 8 month old with us at Christmas this year. It would be a new Christmas for our … Continue reading It’s the holiday season
My hope since losing Asher, was that I would be pregnant by his first birthday. The idea of that date is one that fills me with such sadness. It will be marking the fact that an entire year has passed since my son was born, silent and still. Being pregnant by his first birthday, would … Continue reading Can we catch a break?!