Music has always been a huge part of my life. I played the saxophone back in the day and singing has been something I love to do since I was a kid. (I mean I did go through 3 karaoke machines as a child.) I don’t sing in public anymore because of a mishap I had as a kid that scarred me for life, but singing in my car is my favorite. Now that I’m married I can’t just walk around the house belting it out like I use to ( the husband gets slightly irritated), so the car is the only time I get to spend with my music each day.
I have a very eclectic taste in music. I pretty much listen to a little bit of everything. When I am in a mood, music calms me down and changes it instantly. In high school, Alanis Morrisette’s “ You Oughta Know” was my theme song for quite some time. It perfectly captured what was happening between my high school boyfriend and I. Whenever I would listen to it, I would get all my anger out and feel 100% better by the time the song was over.
Music has definitely helped me cope with this whole infertility bologna. There are certain songs that when they come on my iPod, either make me cry and get out my sadness or make me feel like I can get through this.
I’ve compiled a “infertility” playlist, if you will, a sampling of songs that make me think of infertility or make me feel like I can get through it.
- Kelly Clarkson “Let your Tears Fall” – I have asked “why” so many times throughout this process.
“It’s not a crime to fall apart sometimes. It’s not a crime to ask why to ask why, you cry”.
- Chvrches “Strong Hand” – I gave up on myself a little and pulled away to focus on infertility treatments.
“When the pressure’s building for a great white hope
do you give up the things that you love”
- Kelly Clarkson “Invincible” – The chorus gets me pumped up to handle the struggle of infertility.
“Now I am invincible. No, I ain’t a scared little girl no more”
These lyrics apply to me because of my whole needle fear. I have definitely gotten over it. I am not a scared little girl anymore. 🙂
- Chvrches “Dead Air”- All I am seeking right now is to be pregnant.
“You will be all that I seek
In a twisted light”
- Kelly Clarkson “ The Sun Will Rise” – no explanation needed
“The sun will rise, it will be alright”
- Paramore “ Turn It Off” – Eventually, we will be better off for this struggle. I’m not sure how, but I know that we will.
“And the worst part is, before it gets any better
We’re headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize that
I’m better off when I hit the bottom”
- The Fray “ Wherever This Goes”– Talking about my P.I.C (partner in crime aka the hubs)
“Whatever this goes (goes)
No matter how far (far)
Baby, you are the song that’s written in our heart
Whatever we stand, wherever we fall
Don’t matter at all, cause I will be forever yours
From this moment till the day curtains close
Wherever this goes!”
- Rachel Platten “ Fight Song” – no explanation needed
- Flyleaf “ Amy Says” – Sometimes you feel alone and you put on a happy face when you are breaking.
“Amy says she’s all alone
Says the world doesn’t even know
About the pain she hides inside
Says happiness is just a lie”
- Taylor Swift “ Change” – I am a total Swifty. I just love her and think she can really do no wrong. This song starts off with exactly how I have felt. But it goes on to be positive and saying that things will change. Our situation will change, somehow.
“And it’s a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and
You know it’s all the same, another time and place
Repeating history and you’re getting sick of it”
- Journey “Don’t Stop Believing” – No explanation necessary. Amazing song for all reasons!
- Breaking Benjamin’s “ I Will Not Bow” – Every month when Aunt Flow arrives.
“All is lost again
But I’m not giving in
I will not bow
I will not break”
- Paramore “ Last Hope”- Obviously, I am a huge Paramore fan. I just love Haley William’s voice. This song is like my anthem. I have to stop being so negative and realize that “It will happen”.
“Gotta let it happen
It’s just a spark
But it’s enough to keep me going
And when it’s dark out, no one’s around
It keeps glowing”
- Wilson Phillips “Hold On” – The title of this song speaks for itself.
“Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day”
- Anchor and Braille “ Knew Then Know Now” – If I knew when I was younger that my plan would not work out, I wouldn’t have been so focused on my plan and chain of events to lead me to this point.
“If I knew then what I know now
I would tell myself again somehow
That life works out the way it should
Life works out the way it should”
- Anberlin “ City Electric” – This whole thing is out of my control but I can’t let it go.
“Some say to let go
Some things are out of your control
I tried but I just can’t stop
Tried but I can’t stop
Til we progress”
- Oasis “ Stop Crying Your Heart Out” – Try not to worry.
“’Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out”
- Chvrches “Bow Down” – At this point we are hoping for a stroke of luck for something we want.
“Hoping for a stroke of luck
But one you’re counting on
Trying to deflect a wave
Say when, say when
What do you have and what do you want
Are you still stuck here
Hoping for a stroke of luck??”