January 24

** This was written on January 24, 2018.** 6 weeks. First ultrasound. This being our third go around, we knew that 6 weeks is really the earliest that you can see a baby and their heartbeat. Lots of pressure. It’s not just an abstract idea that one is pregnant. It is confirmed visually that there … Continue reading January 24


Jealousy of the Veil of Naivety

I was speaking to a fellow loss mom (and friend) the other day.  She was telling me that she was packing up some of her son’s clothes and how sad it was to do that.  (I can’t even imagine.)   I’ve never packed up Asher’s. She lost her son at 24 weeks and he already … Continue reading Jealousy of the Veil of Naivety


It’s February 1. Does anyone else feel like January was the longest month EVER?! I swear it just drug on. I’m sure my anxiety about February didn’t help the matter, but I feel like the general consensus is that January was freakishly long this year. February. It holds some of the best memories for me … Continue reading February

11 months

Month 11 contained Christmas and New Year’s. Both holidays I just wasn’t into this year, for one obvious reason. The absence of Asher was glaringly obvious. It helped me get through each day to just pretend that everything was normal and privately have my breakdown at home. We spent Christmas day at my in-laws. I … Continue reading 11 months

Doggie drama and the subsequent spiraling

Losing Asher at 32 weeks 5 days was the worst case scenario of my otherwise healthy pregnancy.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but since living the worst case scenario with our son, I go there now with basically everything else.  It has made my hypochondria worse, increased my worry about my loved ones, and … Continue reading Doggie drama and the subsequent spiraling