February

It’s February 1. Does anyone else feel like January was the longest month EVER?! I swear it just drug on. I’m sure my anxiety about February didn’t help the matter, but I feel like the general consensus is that January was freakishly long this year.

February. It holds some of the best memories for me with Asher. I was clearly pregnant at this point and he was moving constantly. I loved watching my stomach move all around after I ate lunch or while watching TV. It made me smile from ear to ear. Hubby’s coworkers had a little baby shower for us and we got to allow ourselves to really get excited about meeting Asher. Immediately after, I washed all the clothes we received and hung them neatly according to size in his closet. We were getting ready for him. I loved spending that time allowing myself envisioning him wearing the little Jedi onesie he got or the teeny little newborn outfit (that was the only newborn outfit we had and the only one he would ever wear.) The second half of February holds the darkest moments/days of my life. The ground was ripped right out from underneath us in a second and we were irrevocably changed.

As we move into this month, I want it to both speed by and move slowly. I’m not ready for it to be one whole year since I held my son. That sentence is devastating to write. Thankfully, the Random Acts of Kindness have already started and they bring so much joy to my broken heart. I love knowing that Asher is being shared and that good is being done in his memory. Losing him will never be okay, but it’s wonderful to know his short life means something. Asher in Hebrew means “happy” (we had no idea, we just liked the name). These RAOK will bring happiness to others and we know it brings happiness to Asher, I mean, that’s his name after all. 😊695DB21B-E738-4C37-9974-D1BE7B1AC5BB

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2 thoughts on “February

  1. Jenna says:

    Yes, I want February to speed up and slow down all at the same time. So, so many memories… happy and painful mixed together. Will be keeping y’all and sweet Asher close in my heart. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

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