uIt is no surprise that I am obsessed with my dog. I mean my blog name references him. Hubby calls me a crazy cat lady but instead it’s with my dog. I have always been an animal lover, especially a dog lover. I am that person at a party who says hello to the dog before the people. I will snuggle and play with basically any dog I can find. I will walk up to a stranger and ask if I can pet their dog. If I’m driving and see someone walking dog, a huge smile will spread across my face. I have my neighbors Lab trained to the point that he knows if he comes to my back (or front) door, I will let him in and give him a treat. He literally will just stand there and wait for me (or Murphy) to notice him. It’s the cutest! So bottom line, dogs make me so very happy.
Prior to giving birth to Asher, I wrote an open letter to Murphy about how much I love him and how having a child wouldn’t change his place in our family. I know way too many people who have their human babies and forget all about their furry ones. You see the posts on Facebook that they need to get rid of their animal and it breaks my heart. I remember being in the hospital and thinking of Murphy. I wanted him with me so badly because I knew he would bring me a little piece of joy, while I prepared for the worst moment of my life. I said several times that I wished he was there. I went two days without seeing him when I was in the hospital and I just needed to see his happy little face. I worried about him being alone for too long (my parents were staying at our place but obviously at the hospital with us a lot). When we came home, I lost it immediately upon seeing him. He was so happy to see us and I missed his energy. I wanted so badly to be that mom with the cute photos of baby and puppy laying together and snuggling. He was going to be the best guard dog over Asher. I know he was going to be Asher’s buddy and it broke my heart that all of those hopes would never be a reality.
After losing Asher, I can’t fully explain how much of a support and bright light my furry friend has been to me/us. He has literally turned into an emotional support animal for me. I know for other loss parents, those who have lost their second child, their first child tends to be the one thing that makes them smile through their pain. I lost my first (human) baby, so my furry one has been that happiness for me. When I was still on leave and Hubby went back to work, it was just me and Murphy. He was the only reason I smiled. He would do something every day that would make me giggle and smile at either how silly he was or how sweet. He was always with me, just in case I needed him. When I sat and had complete mental breakdowns, he would climb up on my lap and literally lick the tears off my face. He would shove his face in front of mine, so I would see him. It literally looked like he was trying to hug me as he stood on my lap with his front paws on my shoulders. He would do anything he could to make my pain go away.
Dogs are very sensitive animals. He knew when we were preparing for Asher. I started to try and get him acclimated to the idea of a baby very early on. He was right next to us when we put his crib together. I put a onesie washed in Dreft in his crate to get him use to the baby smell in preparation for Asher’s arrival. He use to snuggle next to my stomach and when I was pregnant he stopped that. He knew something was coming. And he knew, when that something never came home. Often times I find him in Asher’s room, just kind of walking around. He knows that room was meant for something big. I like to think he goes in there to spend time with his little brother.
Murphy has been my little beam of light on my darkest days. He has managed to get a smile out of me when the only thing I felt was pain. I’m not sure where either of us would be without him. I know that he has not only been a source of happiness and support to me, but also my husband. We have both looked to Murphy to provide us with a smile on our dark days and he has always come through.