As 2016 comes to an end, one can’t help but look back at the past year. Overall, I think this year was a rough one for everyone. As a society, we lost a lot of amazing musicians and entertainers this year. In the last week alone, we lost 3 influential ones. We had the biggest mass shooting in our country’s history in Orlando, multiple cop and civilian shootings, a divisive Presidential election, numerous terrorist attacks throughout the world, and so on. I keep seeing the memes on Facebook saying goodbye to 2016 in horrible ways (throwing it from a car, setting it on fire, etc.) and welcoming 2017 to be the better year. Of course, every year has its ups and downs for society and for each individual but I think it is safe to say most people are ready to say “peace out” to 2016. 2016 was a difficult year for us but I can’t be too quick to say goodbye since it’s ending on a pretty good note.
The first 7 months of this year were rough for us. They were sprinkled with some great moments of course, but our infertility struggle really overshadowed everything. January marked the progression into injections for our treatment, which was a huge hurdle for me. February and March were a blur of doctor’s appointments and needles. April, we finally had the result we wanted, only for that dream to be taken away in May with our miscarriage. June just involved recovering from D&C, waiting for my body to get back to normal. July was our break month.
Those 7 months were physically and emotionally exhausting. My veins were shot from so much blood work. My body was drained from all the hormones. I cried frequently and found myself angry for no reason. I withdrew. I remember enjoying my family vacation in July but also being quick to anger. I was drained and defeated, with no hope that it would ever happen for us. We still gave it the old college try that month but I had no expectations it would work for us since it hadn’t up until that point.
Then comes August and the positive pregnancy test. My reaction wasn’t as joyful as the one I had in April because I was terrified it would be taken away from me again. The next 4 months were just filled with anxiety. Yes, I was overjoyed to be pregnant and so happy to make it out of the first trimester but still filled with anxiety. Still so worried that something would happen. It wasn’t until I could feel baby and knew the gender that I started to relax slightly. The movement was the reassurance I needed that baby was still in there and doing ok. Finding out the gender allowed me to focus on the fun aspects of preparing for baby; preparing the nursery, registering, crocheting for him, etc.. I still worry because there is always something that can go wrong but I am more optimistic now. Every little movement he makes is exciting to me and I am so grateful that I get to experience that feeling.
This year has been a roller coaster ride for us. I can’t say that I “enjoyed” the ride but I learned a lot about myself. I wouldn’t have the perspective on life that I do now, had we not gone through everything we have. There are many woman who are fortunate enough to never struggle with infertility or suffer a miscarriage. They simply get pregnant, have babies, and raise them without a second thought. I was not one of those lucky women. I experienced infertility, pregnancy, a miscarriage, and another pregnancy all within a 12 month span. It was a lot. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that everything is a part of God’s plan and I need to trust in Him. I started this blog and I learned that I enjoy sharing our journey and bonding/helping others along the way. I’ve made connections with many people I wouldn’t have had I not shared our journey with all of you.
I hope that 2017 is a better year for everyone. I hope the women I know who are struggling with infertility, get their happy ending this year. I hope they find the strength to keep pushing through. I hope all those expecting, have healthy babies in the new year. I started 2016 struggling with infertility but I am ending 2016, 25 weeks pregnant with our little boy. I’m looking forward to 2017 and welcoming that little boy into the world (not so much looking forward to the actual process of birth but what are you gonna do?). I wish everyone a very happy new year and I hope 2017 brings nothing but goodness to your lives!