A Little Something to Pump You Up

As I said before, music is my lifeline.  I’m obsessed with it.  I love belting it out to myself in the car (if I didn’t have a traumatic singing mistake as a child, I might’ve even enjoyed singing in public).  Hubby isn’t a huge music fan like me.  He listens to it but he doesn’t become obsessed with it like I do.  He doesn’t need to know the artist, the name of the song, or all of the lyrics like I have to. He isn’t a fan of concerts either.  He hates going and not knowing the words to the songs to sing along with everyone else.  Luckily for me, my brother and I have a similar taste in music.  He is usually my concert going buddy and most of the concerts that I’ve been to have been with him.

Back in April, he and I saw one of our favorite bands, Halestorm, in concert.  If you haven’t heard of them, you are missing out.  They are amazing.  They are definitely more of a harder rock vibe but fronted by a female singer. Lizzy Hale is fantastic at doing the screaming thing but she also has an absolutely amazing set of pipes on her.  The concert was fantastic, one of the best I’ve been to. Anyways, one of the songs from their most recent album has really stuck with me through the whole miscarriage/infertility situation.

The song is called “I Am the Fire”.  It is a song that took on new meaning for me after learning our of miscarriage in May.  Every time it would come on my iPod, I would hit repeat and just belt it out.  I really listened to the lyrics and learned how positive and inspirational of a song it really is.  It would pump me up and make me feel like I could get through it all.

The first verse is as  follows:

“Am I brave enough?
Am I strong enough?
To follow the desire
That burns from within
To push away my fear
To stand where I’m afraid
I am through with this
‘Cause I am more than this
I promise to myself
Alone and no one else
My flame is rising higher”

It basically describes my internal conflict about the whole miscarriage.  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to deal with this loss and continue on trying for something that I wanted so desperately.  I was terrified at the prospect of having a D&C.  I questioned if I was really strong enough to get through a miscarriage and start trying for a baby again knowing what happened this time.

Second verse:

I’ve been sacrificed
My Hearts been cauterized
Hanging on to hope
Shackled by the ghost
Of what I once believed
That I could never be
What’s right in front of me?

This basically describes infertility for me. I had shut off my heart to hoping that I could be like all the mothers that I see in front of me every day.

I latched on to this song because it is all about empowerment.  It is about dealing with things and facing your fears, knowing you are strong enough. I would sing it to myself at full blast in the car with tears in my eyes, just kind of working through it and knowing that I could deal with it all. That’s what I love most about music.  It affects every person differently and everyone can take a different meaning from the same song.  I’m sure someone else would apply this song to a different conflict or issue in their life but for me it was infertility and miscarriage.  It brightened my spirits and just made me feel like I could do it.  I could handle the surgery..  I could get through this miscarriage.  I could follow my desire for a child and start treatments again.  I could be pregnant and have a child like all of the women around me.  I could do it.

If you are ever feeling low and just need something to pump you up and get you motivated, this is song for you.  It came on my iPod again today.  Immediately, I rolled down the windows, cranked up the volume, and belted that shit out! It is such a great song to just pump you up and make you feel invincible.  Just listen for yourself!


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