Since I’ve written a post. Partly because I haven’t really had anything to chat about. Partly because work has been crazy recently and I have no desire to come home and stare at a computer screen after staring at one all day. But today, between watching TV and scrolling through Facebook a few things came to mind for me to share/vent about.
Recently I’ve been watching One Tree Hill on Netflix. I watched it in college but never finished the series so I started it from the beginning again. Currently, I am on season 6. For those that aren’t familiar with the series, it is a season after they flash forward 4 years and they are “adults” aka in their early 20’s. Anyways in this season, one of the characters is pregnant. She finds out she is pregnant and then immediately goes into baby preparation mode. Within like two episodes, she is putting together a crib, baby proofing the house, starting a baby registry, and referring to herself as “we” (because she has a baby in her). All of this while most likely still in her first trimester. I’ve found myself super irritated by watching these episodes. (I’m sure as I continue to watch the show, something will happen with her pregnancy and that is why they are playing it up so much. But right now, it is irritating.)
Then while scrolling through the internet today, I saw a Buzzfeed link about a woman who had a professional photographer document her telling her husband that she was pregnant. It was such a cute idea! It was great to see the surprise and happiness on the husband’s face when he learned he was going to be a father. But again, I found myself irritated by it.
That is what having a miscarriage does to a person. Someone who has had a miscarriage knows not to count their eggs before they hatch. They know that all that excitement can be taken away in a second. They know not to plan anything until you are “out of the woods”, past the first trimester. They know all the things that can go wrong and the worst case scenario ending that is possible. They know that having photos documenting telling your husband you are pregnant could end up being reminders of loss and heartache.
Instead of me seeing the joy in both of these fictional and real-life stories, I find myself irritated by the complete lack of concern and fear of what could go wrong. I’m sure if I never had a miscarriage, I would never have that irritated feeling. I would just empathize with the joy and happiness. But having a miscarriage does change you and your view on things. As amazing as it is to learn that you are pregnant, it can be absolutely terrifying because there are no guarantees that it will “stick”. Seeing that lack of fear is frustrating to someone who has learned it the hard way.