This week was my 28th birthday. And it was one that I was not really looking forward to. It may seem a little negative but to me it was just another reminder that another year has gone by and I still do not have a child. This last year has been a rough one on me both physically and emotionally; dealing with infertility, having the testing done, starting treatment, getting pregnant, miscarrying, and having a D&C. It’s been a lot and I think I have cried more this past year than I ever have in my entire life combined. So the approaching birthday was just something I wasn’t looking forward to.
Yes, I know it’s not like I’m over 30, I’m still young and have time. I know that. But it is hard when you are ready and doing everything you can to get something you desperately want, and it still isn’t happening.
My birthday was on a Wednesday. Smack dab in the middle of the week. My PTO is too precious so I did not take time off. Hubby gave me gifts and I went out to eat with him and my Dad that night. But no major celebrations. The day came and went quickly.
I have the Timehop app and on my birthday pops up all these pictures from back in the day when I would go out with my friends and celebrate at dinner. Back when birthdays were a big deal and stress was minimal. Back when all of my friends and family were in one place. As I have gotten older, celebrating the day has definitely become less of a priority and more like another day (especially with that whole working thing). Getting together with friends and family can be a scheduling nightmare because everyone has their own families and things to do. Seeing those pictures made me a little nostalgic for those times when it was easy to see everyone and things were less stressful.
Yesterday Hubby and I had a a spa day scheduled. We spent 4 hours at the spa having facials, massages, and mani/pedis. He has been begging to have a massage again (last time we did it was our honeymoon 4 years ago) so we planned this day. Afterwards, he told me he had dinner reservations for us at 6pm so we could go home get ready and head out. We get home, I walk in the door to the house and immediately bend down to greet Murphy, when I hear “SURPRISE!”. There in my house (in the dark) waiting was a large group of my friends and family. It brought tears to my eyes. Immediately, I thought “I don’t have my hair or makeup done!”. 🙂 (The same thing happened to me at my bridal shower 4 years before, totally surprised and not prepared with makeup.) It was wonderful to be able to celebrate my birthday like old times with my family and friends. Words cannot express how happy it made me. I needed a nice day with my family and the friends who have become family.
Even though it was not necessary, they bought me gifts and a couple were directed towards all that we have been through the past year. My friend gave me two Alex and Ani bracelets, an anchor and a compass. From the Alex and Ani website” The anchor allows us to keep a clear mind amidst the tides of life. An emblem of good luck, wear the Nautical Anchor Charm for courage, safety, and peace of mind” and ” a compass provides guidance and navigation through life’s unexpected twists and turns. Each cardinal direction has a significant meaning. North represents home and infinite possibility. South embodies passion and the present. East signifies new beginnings and the future. West symbolizes emotion and new beginnings. Wear the Compass Charm to guide you in the right direction.”. Both of them are perfect and were obviously chosen with our struggle in mind. I will wear both and be reminded of the things they represent especially when I am struggling. I also received an adult coloring book with lots of encouraging Bible verses. Things to help me when I am struggling and need to be reminded of God’s influence and plan.
Our infertility struggle and miscarriage have greatly impacted our life. These gifts are just an example of how they have affected me and how my friends and family have been so supportive through it all. This surprise “Princess” themed party was more than just a birthday celebration for me. It was a reminder that I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful, supporting, caring, amazing people. It was God’s way of showing me that I am not alone and that I have wonderful people who are there for me when I am having a bad day.
Thank you very much to everyone who came last night and even to those who I know where invited and couldn’t make it. Hubby invited you all because he knows how important and special you all are to me. It really means a lot. 🙂