So as I said before, one of the many reasons I started this blog was to share with those who haven’t struggled with infertility, what it is like for those of us that do. I was recently speaking to someone who is just starting looking for fertility doctors. During this conversation, she told me that she recently ran into a friend and informed them about her struggle. The friend’s response ” just relax”.
As someone who has heard this response first hand myself, I want to share with you what those words make people struggling with infertility want to do….
If someone is telling you that they are struggling to conceive, they aren’t just saying that they have tried for a month and nothing happened. They are telling you that it has been months, plural, and nothing is happening. They have most likely passed that 6 month mark that it takes most people and are nearing the point of having to turn to medical intervention. Telling someone that they “just need to relax” is a slap in the face. It dismisses that persons fears and anxiety about not being able to get pregnant. It makes it seem like it is all in that person’s head, and it’s not.
The people who say “just relax” are usually the lucky ones who didn’t have to struggle to conceive . They are the ones who weren’t even trying and it happened or who got pregnant within a few months. Those of us who struggle are happy for those who didn’t have to. It is a pain that no one would want others to experience. Please don’t undermine our pain by telling us it is in our heads and we “just need to relax”. Stress levels have absolutely nothing to do with someone’s ability to conceive. Obviously, I know when people say it, they mean well. They are trying to calm someone’s nerves and stay positive for the person struggling. No one is saying it to hurt someone else.
If this blog does anything for anyone who hasn’t struggled with infertility, I hope that it helps others learn what to say to someone who is struggling to conceive. Don’t tell them to “just relax”. If you can’t relate to their struggle, tell them that. Say that “I’m sorry you are going through that. I can’t even imagine how painful that is for you.”. It will mean the world to that person who is struggling.
** I hope everyone enjoys the Mean Girls GIF. It is literally one of my all time favorite movies! It adds a little humor to the infertility struggle. It’s so FETCH! 🙂