Today was the day. For the most part, I wasn’t too nervous. I was almost looking forward to it in a weird way, because it meant this long drawn our ordeal would soon be over.
Last night I slept fairly well. I knew my water intake was limited until 5:30am, so I drank water every time I got up to go to the bathroom, which then caused me to have to go more. There was a about a two hour stretch where I just tossed and turned and couldn’t turn off my head. We had to report to the surgery center at 7:30am. It is about 35 minutes away from us. So I got up at 6:30, and we left by 6:50. We checked in and then were taken back to Pre-op. Back there I had my vitals taken, changed into the fancy gown which opened in the back, and had to do another blood test since I am RH negative. Apparently, my blood type is A negative (This was news to me). Because of that, I am what is considered RH negative.
Here is a snippet of what that means from OurBodiesOurselves.org:
“If you are Rh-negative and you were carrying an Rh-positive fetus, there is a small chance that you have been exposed to Rh-positive blood cells from the fetal tissue during the miscarriage. A shot of RhoGAM prevents your body from producing antibodies to Rh-positive blood that could harm a fetus during a future pregnancy.”
Then I met with the anesthesiologist and went over everything. As I said before, I had IV sedation when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I assumed that meant not having to be intubated. But the anesthesiologist mentioned this was a possibility based on my breathing. He also proceeded to tell me they would put the IV in my hand. So I started to freak out. I may be comfortable with needles now but my mother told the IV in her hand was worse than childbirth. So I wanted to avoid that at all costs.
The nurse came in with the IV bag and I asked if it had to be my hand. She said she would try to find someplace else. The hand is just easier for the anesthesiologist. Another nurse came in and put in my IV. She ended up putting it in my right arm, fairly close to where another nurse had just took my blood. That hurt! I thought an IV would be comparable to having blood taken, but having that put in hurt way more. Then she had to tape it in place and immediately, it just felt sore. I was afraid to move my arm because the IV was fairly close to my elbow (I did not realize that the IV was a small, flexible catheter and not a needle continuously in my arm.). Lifting my arm it felt like it was pulling and just sore so I refrained from doing much. That was when I really started to freak out. I wasn’t so nervous about the procedure, I knew I would be asleep. It was just everything that was happening. It was a lot and I got super overwhelmed in that moment. I try really, really hard not to cry in front of people. But I couldn’t stop and the tears started to fall. The IV was not pleasant, the possibility of being intubated freaked me out, and it just hit me what was going to happen. Of course that was the moment our doctor came in and gave me a sympathetic look. I started to cry even more. She crouched down next to my chair and told me that we really had been put through the ringer with everything. She said that she would take really good care of me and that she, herself, has been through this. I told her the IV just really freaked me out. I’m over my needle phobia, but not that over it. She went over the consent form with me and answered all the questions that we had. I was freaked out about the possibility of being intubated and she said she has never done that for these procedures. The doctor said she would be out to tell the Hubby how it went within about a half hour of me going back to the OR. She really helped to reassure and calm me down. I knew after meeting with her, I would go back and it would all be over soon.
After the doctor left, the anesthesiologist and another nurse came in. I had to tell them my name and date of birth (like I did to every single person I spoke while I was there) and then asked if I had any questions. Of course I had to pee before the procedure, so the nurse wandered me and my IV down to the bathroom (with a blanket covering my exposed behind). Then she took me back to the OR. It was super cold in there and a little overwhelming but I felt really calm. I got situated on the table and the anesthesiologist told me that it “may be 8:50 am here but it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Here comes your margarita”. I remember staring at the ceiling and feeling like I was drunk. I said “whoa”. He asked if I was feeling it and I was out.
I woke up probably about an hour later. I remember laying there falling in and out of sleep and then seeing Hubby come in. Now I should say, when I had my wisdom teeth and was coming out of anesthesia, my mother told me I was whimpering and crying. This time I was crying again. Apparently, I told Hubby that our baby was gone and started crying (I have no recollection of this.) Apparently, anesthesia really makes me weepy. I asked Hubby the same questions about 30 times because I could not remember having asked them. He told me the doctor came out about 30 minutes after I went in. She said everything went really well. They gave me the RHO-gam shot in my thigh while I was under as well. Once I was more awake, I had two glasses of water and ate three little packets of Saltines. They let me change, go to the bathroom (of course), and then went over post-op instructions. They had Hubby pull the car around and we were on our way home by 10:30 am.
We came home and I didn’t even nap. I was fully cognizant and not tired at all by the time we got home. I was more hungry than anything. All in all, it wasn’t so bad. The worst part was the pre-op waiting and the IV. I have had very little cramping (nothing worse than a normal period cramping for me) and very little bleeding. I still have to take it slow, can’t be overdoing anything but for the most part, I feel really good. I haven’t taken any pain medication, prescription or OTC. I am happy that it is over. We can finally start to move on. It was three hours and everything was taken care of. The doctor is very positive about us being able to conceive again and have our happy ending. It was not my ideal way of it happening but overall, it was a fairly painless experience and I’m happy with my choice to have the D&C. Now all that is left to do, is move forward and hope that we get our “rainbow” baby sooner rather than later.
***I would like to thank everyone for all of their support. I know some people are not open about such sensitive topics but the amount of support and love we have received, means everything. I have never felt alone once throughout this process. I know that there are others out there who have gone through it and shared their stories with me. I know we aren’t the only ones feeling this loss, our friends and families are as well. The amount of flowers, gifts, and cards that we have received has been heart warming. We came home after the procedure to a little care package on our front porch. Throughout the day, our doorbell rang twice for flower deliveries. We have received multiple gifts, flowers, and cards throughout the past two weeks after we shared the news of our miscarriage. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, as awful as this process has been, we have been blessed to know that we are surrounded by truly amazing and caring people. I cherish each and everyone one of you. I am so grateful for everyone’s support and for people sharing their experiences with me. I was not so afraid of the D&C after several women shared their stories with me. I have been fairly calm because of listening to others’ experiences.
The best advice I can give someone who is struggling with infertility or a miscarriage, is to not be afraid to talk about it. You will be amazed by all of the support and messages of hope that you receive from strangers, acquaintances, coworkers, family, and friends. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing with people, reach out to others in the online community and share your experiences. That’s why we are here. There are women out there who have been through it all. Just reach out to someone, anyone. It will help make a difficult time a little easier.
To those who suffered in silence through a miscarriage, I’m sorry. I have had many women tell me they miscarried and I had know idea. If I had known, I would’ve reached out and offered words of encouragement. I’m sorry if you felt alone and isolated during your loss. I don’t think I could have made it through this difficult time without all of the supportive people in our lives. My heart breaks to think that others didn’t have the same experience and suffered in silence.