Re-evaluate 3/15/16

(Now that I have caught everyone up to date on the issues we are facing, it is time to speed forward to current day.  I will still share some of the posts I have written previously because a lot of them have to deal with different moments and feelings I’ve had along this journey.)

Our fertility protocol has consisted of the following: Call Day 1 of full flow.  Start Clomid on day 3.  Continue to take until day 7. Ultrasound and blood test on Day 11 to see which ovary is ovulating. Trigger shot if blood work shows low LH levels .  IUI day 14.  Blood test one week later and another blood test another week after that to check for pregnancy.  Obviously that hasn’t been working for us for the past four months, so yesterday we had our “re-evaluation” appointment with the doctor to discuss our options for additional treatment.  From the conversation, we learned that we basically have three months until the decision is made for us and we move forward with adoption.

Of course the doctor initially pushed IVF.  She talked about that most of the appointment, even though I had already advised we do not want to do IVF.  She told us that they have a 65% success rate with IVF (which is higher than I actually thought it would be).  She told me I would be a great candidate for it (of course, I would be) and then she advised that it is $11,000.  That price does not include the price of the medications either.  She then went on to explain that they do offer a Shared Risk program.  Basically, we can pay $22,000 (which is more than my Toyota Corolla!) and be allowed to attempt up to 6 cycles of IVF.  Soooooo, if I pay for a Toyota Corolla, I can try an emotionally and physically draining process for a sixth time when the first 5 didn’t work?!  No thank you!!!

The other option is to continue with the Clomid but also do injectables of a Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) to increase the chances that my right ovary produces viable eggs.  The injectable FSH hormones can only be used for 3 months.  Clomid can only be used for a total of 11 times in someone’s lifetime.  This will be my fifth month on Clomid.    We are moving forward this option.  So if I am not pregnant by May, the decision is made for us and we take a break before moving on to adoption.

Basically, this sucks, but I just cannot justify IVF at this point in my life.  You hear about all these other people who tried for years and then magically got pregnant naturally.  (I don’t think that will be us because luck has not been on our side this whole time, but who knows?)  If I was further into my 30’s I would be more open to the idea of it, but I’m still in my 20’s and that is such a drastic jump.

Now we wait.  Tonight I have to give my first injection of the FSH.  I plan on making the husband do it.  I may be ok with needles at this point but I just don’t think I can do it to myself.  Seeing the needle once it’s already in is different than watching it go in.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday so at that point we will see how the follicles are looking and see if I need more than two doses of the FSH.

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I’m disappointed that we are at this point.  That nothing has worked for us to date. Once you make the decision to have a child, you can’t wait any longer.  You want it right away. We’ve waited for 16 months. I know many others out there have waited even longer.  As each month goes by you try to not get your hopes.  I find myself being more and more negative about it so that I won’t be crushed when it, inevitably it seems, doesn’t happen.  But I also still find myself having hope and being devastated when the month ends without the desired result.

Each month I tell myself to try not to hope and it’s better to be negative than disappointed, but I still find myself saying, “maybe this will be the month”.  Somehow, even though I try not to let myself, I hope it will work out.  I start this cycle with apprehension but I can’t help but hope, as I always do, that maybe this is finally the month for us.

 

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